This resource will support you in beginning a conversation with your siblings, spouse, and whoever else may be involved in your aging parent’s care. By proactively communicating with everyone involved about who is doing what, you can decrease the chances of miscommunication, conflict, and resentment.
This exercise encourages compromise, creativity, and an honest assessment of both what you could take on, as well as what you are willing to take on. Make a plan and play to your strengths to help prevent stress and burn out.
Print out the PDF Version by clicking here.
Instructions:
Share this document with everyone involved in your aging parent’s care.
Everyone should complete Step 1 prior to meeting together.
Organize a time for everyone to meet, at a time when everyone can focus and actively engage in the conversation.
Step 1: Individual Reflection
Print out this document so you can write on it.
Before talking with your siblings or team, consider your strengths. What type of tasks or challenges do you excel at in your professional and personal life? What feels natural for you to take on?
Check all that apply:
☐ Finances / Budgeting
☐ Legal / Documents
☐ Healthcare
☐ Leading Difficult Conversations
☐ Physical proximity to parent
☐ Organization and coordination
☐ Flexible schedule
☐ Research and outreach
Step 2: Share as a Group
Come together and share what you checked with one another.
Step 3: Identify Unchecked Areas
Identify the areas that remain unchecked. These gaps can lead to frustration and conflict. It is important to proactively work toward identifying a plan.
Some questions to consider:
Are you interested in figuring out how to accomplish these tasks yourself?
Are you willing and able to hire external help to complete them?
Does your parent have the financial resources needed to cover the costs of hiring external help?
What will insurance cover?
Step 4: Communication and Reporting Back
Discuss how to communicate and report back to one another. Choose one form of communication to rely on.
Receiving an endless barrage of texts, emails, and phone calls can lead to overwhelm and increase the chances of miscommunication.
Options may include:
A designated text thread with a name like “Updates on Mom’s Care”
An email thread that everyone uses that is similarly named
Shared Note
Google Keep
Something to Note
It is not fair or reasonable to compare these tasks. Comparing attending ongoing medical appointments and arranging documents with a lawyer is like comparing apples and oranges. Or apples and a stapler. One is not better, harder, or worth more points than the other.
What is helpful:
Acknowledge the impact of each task on one another
Check in to see if the balance is feeling sustainable
Adjust accordingly
